(55) Breathe Before You Speak

This simple strategy has had remarkable results for virtually everyone I know who has tried it. The almost immediate results include increased patience, added perspective, and, as a side benefit, more gratitude and respect for others.

The strategy itself is remarkably simple. It involves nothing more than pausing - breathing - after the person to whom you are speaking is finished. At first, the time gap between your voices may seem like an eternity - but in reality, it amounts to only a fraction of a second of actual time. You will get used to the power and beauty of breathing, and you will come to appreciate it as well. It will bring you closer to, and earn you more respect from, virtually everyone you come into contact with. You'll find that being listened to is one of the rarest and most treasured gifts you can offer. All it takes is attention and practice.

If you observe the conversations around you, you'll notice that, often, what many of us do is simply wait for our chance to speak. We're not really listening to the other person, but simply waiting for an opportunity to express our own view. We often complete other people's sentences, or say things like, "Yeah, yeah," or, "I know," very rapidly, urging them to hurry up so that we can have our turn. It seems that talking to one another is sometimes more like sparring back and forth like fighters or Ping-Pong balls than it is enjoying or learning from the conversation.

This harried form of communication encourages us to criticize points of view, overreact, misinterpret meaning, impute false motives, and form opinions, all before our fellow communicator is even finished speaking. No wonder we are often so annoyed, bothered, and irritated with one another. Sometimes, with our poor listening skills, it's a miracle that we have any friends at all!

I spent most of my life waiting for my turn to speak. If you're at all like me, you'll be pleasantly amazed at the softer reactions and looks of surprise as you let others completely finish their thought before you begin yours. Often, you will be allowing someone to feel listened to for the very first time. You will feel a sense of relief coming from the person to whom you are speaking - and a much calmer, less rushed feeling between the two of you. No need to worry that you won't get your turn to speak - you will. In fact, it will be more rewarding to speak because the person you are speaking to will pick up on your respect and patience and will begin to do the same.