Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Who am I?

Who really knows me well? Someone I really cherish just popped this question suddenly.

I reflect.

Who really?

An answer pops up.

Only two.


Shhh... I'm not telling. =)

Monday, January 19, 2009

Lessons Learnt

Please don't mind me, this is just a random listing of thoughts that pop up during the last few days.

Being sick:

Now I know what friendship really means.

Now I know that loving care means so much more than being professional.

Now I know how it feels to be treated like an outcast.

Now I know how it feels when people look at you like you're a monster and laugh at you.

Now I know how much family means to me.

Now I know how wonderful my family really is.

Now I know how important being healthy is.

Now I know who my true friends are.

Now I know how it feels to be completely helpless and have someone help you.

Now I know how much I appreciate my sight.

Now I know how scary it is to go blind.

Now I know how to appreciate life so much more.

Now I really know that life is not all about work, work, work but really, it's about living it to the fullest.

Now I know that the nicest people are not the wealthiest people but the simplest people.

Now I know that people's time mean so much to me.

Now I know what it means to love and be loved.

Now I know how great God is.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Good News, Bad News

It burns... It burns...

Good News: I do not have frostbite! Hurrah!

Bad News: I have the shingles! =(

Good News: Shingles usually only affects old people, which further proves that I am mature and wise. =P

Bad News: It burns... It burns so much...

2 complications for my case:

1) Shingles attacks the nerve cells. Mine is unfortunately at the head which is the worst possible scenario. If it reaches my ears, I go deaf, if it reaches my eyes, I go blind.

2) There's a 20 percent chance that even if the scabs and blisters go away, the pain will remain for years to come. This condition is called postherpetic neuralgia. A lifetime of this burning sensation? Oh dear.

Things have gotten from bad to worse. What was once ants biting has now turned to my head being on fire. A mere touch of my head makes me feel like Hades in the Disney show Hercules, except he doesn't find it painful. Now, it's already at my left eye - I have three huge blisters which look ready to burst there. Tears constantly pour out like a thundering waterfall.

What did I do to deserve this?

I feel as if God is punishing me for my sins, burning me for the things I've done wrong, putting me through living hell. But endure it I must.

Jeremiah 10:19
Woe to me because of my injury!
My wound is incurable
Yet I said to myself
"This is my sickness, and I must endure it".

I shudder, what if this pain lasts a few years? What if I go blind? Well, no point complaining and worrying about it, I'll just have to take it like a man. Besides, the pain I'm going through right now cannot compare with the pain that others have gone through. No matter how much it hurts me, I'm sure that others have gone through even more intense pain. So I am grateful.

What happens will happen. In the end, what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger. =)

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Before I came to Chicago, one thing that many told me to watch out for was frostbite. And so, in my first year here, I would sometimes ask people what happens when I do get frostbite. I would sometimes worry that I would lose a digit or two to it.

Never did I imagine that I would actually get it. Especially not on my head.

Thank goodness Brandon and Cathy took a good look at my head and found out that what I initially thought was a bump was actually a whole bunch of blisters, rashes and bumps. God bless them. If they hadn't taken that second look, I would probably have just brushed it off as a bump. Thought I had gotten it while I was digging sled-lanes with Jerry for Simonia's birthday, as I fell down many times and I may just have hit a rock without realizing it.

So how does it feel now? Well, my inner left ear hurts. A lot. And it would have hurt a lot more had Gloria not realized that I had a lot of snow in there and brushed it off. There are now bumps growing around my ear as well, probably as a result of lymphatic fluid filling the skin up. What else? My head feels like its on fire. When I brush my hair, it feels like a thousand ants biting my head. And it keeps spreading. Now it's spread to my left eye. Will it stop there? *Shrugs*

So you may be asking, am I worried? Nah, not at all. I'll be going to the doctor's tomorrow to get it properly diagnosed. I'm hoping that it's mostly stage one (which means that my skin can probably be saved). Even if it's not, there's nothing much I can do about it anyway. Things don't always work out the way we want it to, but if you reflect upon them, things happen for a reason. I'll just hope for the best, and pray to God. =)