But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Love
I'm two days late but let's talk about love today. And what better way to do that than by looking at a very famous verse in the Bible:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Corinthians 13:4 - 13:7
So many people (girls especially) love coming to me with this verse. And I agree. It's a beautiful, beautiful verse. The thing is, while so many believe love to be like this, it almost never quite happens in real life.
"Why is my boyfriend flirting with that other girl?" - Love does not envy?
"How come one moment she says she will always love me, the next she goes for another guy?" - Love always perseveres?
"Why is it that no matter how much I love her, she never returns it to me?" - Love is not self-seeking?
Interesting isn't it? The "love" that we see in many of our relationships today doesn't embody what has been beautifully written in the Bible. Instead, this so called "love" is a mixture of emotions that are based on selfishness, jealousy and attachment.
I'm going to touch a bit on myself. I've been there, done that. Had my fair share of selfish love. And broke my heart along the way.
In my life thus far, there have been two girls whom I have given my heart, my soul to. Both have never returned that love. And does it hurt? But of course. You've been there yourself. That feeling you get when that one person whom you know is the One never accepts you.
It hurt. But why? Simple, because it was not unconditional love. It was attachment.
Oh my gosh, how can any of us ever achieve unconditional love? How can we ever embody the infinite love written in Corinthians?
It's hard. So hard. Truly, it is. Here's the thing though, God embodies that love. No matter how much we've turned against Him, no matter how much we've left Him for worldly pleasures, no matter how much we've angered Him - He's always still there for us, and will accept us with open arms.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son" - John 3:16
God loved the world so much despite all the evil deeds we have done that he sent Jesus to save us. And Jesus, despite taking in all the punishments of the world, and despite being rejected by so many people, still loved us enough to continue his mission.
But I digress, can only God achieve this kind of love? Will we mere mortals never be able to give unconditional love? I will say no. Because Jesus is not just the Son of God, he is also the Son of Man, and if he can do it while walking on this Earth as a person, so can we. Throughout history, there have been so many selfless, compassionate people - Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama etc. (Hmmm... Wonder why they're all single?)
So what does this mean for me? It means I no longer chase after relationships, romantic or otherwise. I have learned to love people enough such that I let them lead their own lives, even if it causes me sorrow that they turn away from me. While it hurts me to see people drift away, it hurts me even more if I find out that these people do not appreciate, or even despise my company. I've learned to let go.
So my friends, I just want to say this to you. Love is indeed beautiful. Paul got it right when he said that the greatest of faith, hope and love is love. But do remember, don't love someone for your own selfish reasons, love someone for the sake of love. And that means loving someone unconditionally, and that means letting your loved one do what he or she wants to do. And that means letting go.
My friends, I just want to say that I love all of you very much, so much so that I let you pursue what you want to pursue, so much so that it's alright for you to neglect me. But if you ever need me, know that I am always here for you if you so choose.
Happy Belated Valentines peeps! =)
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Corinthians 13:4 - 13:7
So many people (girls especially) love coming to me with this verse. And I agree. It's a beautiful, beautiful verse. The thing is, while so many believe love to be like this, it almost never quite happens in real life.
"Why is my boyfriend flirting with that other girl?" - Love does not envy?
"How come one moment she says she will always love me, the next she goes for another guy?" - Love always perseveres?
"Why is it that no matter how much I love her, she never returns it to me?" - Love is not self-seeking?
Interesting isn't it? The "love" that we see in many of our relationships today doesn't embody what has been beautifully written in the Bible. Instead, this so called "love" is a mixture of emotions that are based on selfishness, jealousy and attachment.
I'm going to touch a bit on myself. I've been there, done that. Had my fair share of selfish love. And broke my heart along the way.
In my life thus far, there have been two girls whom I have given my heart, my soul to. Both have never returned that love. And does it hurt? But of course. You've been there yourself. That feeling you get when that one person whom you know is the One never accepts you.
It hurt. But why? Simple, because it was not unconditional love. It was attachment.
Oh my gosh, how can any of us ever achieve unconditional love? How can we ever embody the infinite love written in Corinthians?
It's hard. So hard. Truly, it is. Here's the thing though, God embodies that love. No matter how much we've turned against Him, no matter how much we've left Him for worldly pleasures, no matter how much we've angered Him - He's always still there for us, and will accept us with open arms.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son" - John 3:16
God loved the world so much despite all the evil deeds we have done that he sent Jesus to save us. And Jesus, despite taking in all the punishments of the world, and despite being rejected by so many people, still loved us enough to continue his mission.
But I digress, can only God achieve this kind of love? Will we mere mortals never be able to give unconditional love? I will say no. Because Jesus is not just the Son of God, he is also the Son of Man, and if he can do it while walking on this Earth as a person, so can we. Throughout history, there have been so many selfless, compassionate people - Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama etc. (Hmmm... Wonder why they're all single?)
So what does this mean for me? It means I no longer chase after relationships, romantic or otherwise. I have learned to love people enough such that I let them lead their own lives, even if it causes me sorrow that they turn away from me. While it hurts me to see people drift away, it hurts me even more if I find out that these people do not appreciate, or even despise my company. I've learned to let go.
So my friends, I just want to say this to you. Love is indeed beautiful. Paul got it right when he said that the greatest of faith, hope and love is love. But do remember, don't love someone for your own selfish reasons, love someone for the sake of love. And that means loving someone unconditionally, and that means letting your loved one do what he or she wants to do. And that means letting go.
My friends, I just want to say that I love all of you very much, so much so that I let you pursue what you want to pursue, so much so that it's alright for you to neglect me. But if you ever need me, know that I am always here for you if you so choose.
Happy Belated Valentines peeps! =)
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Meditation: Why Bother?
Meditation is not easy. It takes time and it takes energy. It also takes grit, determination and discipline. It requires a host of personal qualities which we normally regard as unpleasant and which we like to avoid whenever possible. It is certainly a great deal easier just to kick back and watch television. So why bother? Why waste all that time and energy when you could be out enjoying yourself? Why bother? Simple. Because you are human. And just because of the simple fact that you are human, you find yourself heir to an inherent unsatisfactoriness in life which simply will not go away. You can suppress it from your awareness for a time. You can distract yourself for hours on end, but it always comes back - usually when you least expect it. All of a sudden, seemingly out of the blue, you sit up, take stock, and realize your actual situation in life.
There you are, and you suddenly realize that you are spending your whole life just barely getting by. You keep up a good front. You manage to make ends meet somehow and look OK from the outside. But those periods of desperation, those times when you feel everything caving in on you, you keep those to yourself. You are a mess. And you know it. But you hide it beautifully.
Meanwhile, way down under all that you just know there has got be some other way to live, some better way to look at the world, some way to touch life more fully. You click into it by chance now and then. You get a good job. You fall in love. You win the game. And for a while, things are different. Life takes on a richness and clarity that makes all the bad times and humdrum fade away. The whole texture of your experience changes and you say to yourself, "OK, now I've made it; now I will be happy". But then that fades, too, like smoke in the wind. You are left with just a memory. That and a vague awareness that something is wrong.
But there is really another whole realm of depth and sensitivity available in life, somehow, you are just not seeing it. You wind up feeling cut off. You feel insulated from the sweetness of experience by some sort of sensory cotton. You are not really touching life. You are not making it again. And then even that vague awareness fades away, and you are back to the same old reality. The world looks like the usual foul place, which is boring at best. It is an emotional roller coaster, and you spend a lot of your time down at the bottom of the ramp, yearning for the heights.
So what is wrong with you? Are you a freak? No. You are just human. And you suffer from the same malady that infects every human being. It is a monster in side all of us, and it has many arms: Chronic tension, lack of genuine compassion for others, including the people closest to you, feelings being blocked up, and emotional deadness. Many, many arms. None of us is entirely free from it. We may deny it. We try to suppress it. We build a whole culture around hiding from it, pretending it is not there, and distracting ourselves from it with goals and projects and status. But it never goes away. It is a constant undercurrent in every thought and every perception; a little wordless voice at the back of the head saying, "Not good enough yet. Got to have more. Got to make it better. Got to be better." It is a monster, a monster that manifests everywhere in subtle forms.
Go to a party. Listen to the laughter, that brittle-tongued voice that says fun on the surface and fear underneath. Feel the tension, feel the pressure. Nobody really relaxes. They are faking it. Go to a ball game. Watch the fan in the stand. Watch the irrational fit of anger. Watch the uncontrolled frustration bubbling forth from people that masquerades under the guise of enthusiasm, or team spirit. Booing, cat-calls and unbridled egotism in the name of team loyalty. Drunkenness, fights in the stands. These are the people trying desperately to release tension from within. These are not people who are at peace with themselves. Watch the news on TV. Listen to the lyrics in popular songs. You find the same theme repeated over and over in variations. Jealousy, suffering, discontent and stress.
Life seems to be a perpetual struggle, some enormous effort against staggering odds. And what is our solution to all this dissatisfaction? We get stuck in the "If only" syndrome. If only I had more money, then I would be happy. If only I could find somebody who really loves me, if only I could lose 20 pounds, if only I had a color TV, Jacuzzi, and curly hair, and on and on forever. So where does all this junk come from and more important, what can we do about it? It comes from the conditions of our own minds. It is a deep, subtle and pervasive set of mental habits, a Gordian knot which we have built up bit by bit and we can unravel just the same way, one piece at a time. We can tune up our awareness, dredge up each separate piece and bring it out into the light. We can make the unconscious conscious, slowly, one piece at a time.
The essence of our experience is change. Change is incessant. Moment by moment life flows by and it is never the same. A thought springs up in your head and half a second later, it is gone. In comes another one, and that is gone too. A sound strikes your ears and then silence. Open your eyes and the world pours in, blink and it is gone. People come into your life and they leave again. Friends go, relatives die. Your fortunes go up and they go down. Sometimes you win and just as often you lose. It is incessant: change, change, change. No two moments ever the same.
There is not a thing wrong with this. It is the nature of the universe, it is how God intended it to be. But human culture has taught us some odd responses to this endless flowing. We categorize experiences. We try to stick each perception, every mental change in this endless flow into one of three mental pigeon holes. It is good, or it is bad, or it is neutral. Then, according to which box we stick it in, we perceive with a set of fixed habitual mental responses. If a particular perception has been labeled 'good', then we try to freeze time right there. We grab onto that particular thought, we fondle it, we hold it, we try to keep it from escaping. When that does not work, we go all-out in an effort to repeat the experience which caused that thought. Let us call this mental habit 'grasping'.
Over on the other side of the mind lies the box labeled 'bad'. When we perceive something 'bad', we try to push it away. We try to deny it, reject it, get rid of it any way we can. We fight against our own experience. We run from pieces of ourselves. Let us call this mental habit 'rejecting'. Between these two reactions lies the neutral box. Here we place the experiences which are neither good nor bad. They are tepid, neutral, uninteresting and boring. We pack experience away in the neutral box so that we can ignore it and thus return our attention to where the action is, namely our endless round of desire and aversion. This category of experience gets robbed of its fair share of our attention. Let us call this mental habit 'ignoring'. The direct result of all this lunacy is a perpetual treadmill race to nowhere, endlessly pounding after pleasure, endlessly fleeing from pain, endlessly ignoring 90 percent of our experience. And yet we wonder why life tastes so flat? In the final analysis, it's a system that does not work.
No matter how hard you pursue pleasure and success, there are times when you fail.
No matter how fast you flee, there are times when pain catches up with you.
And in between those times, life is so boring you could scream. Our minds are full of opinions and criticisms. We have built walls all around ourselves and we are trapped within the prison of our own lies and dislikes. We suffer.
Sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it? Luckily it's not - not at all. It only sounds bleak when you view it from the level of the ordinary mental perspective, the very level at which the treadmill mechanism operates. Down under that level lies another whole perspective, a completely different way to look at the universe. It is a level of functioning where the mind does not try to freeze time, where we do not grasp onto our experience as it flows by, where we do not try to block things out and ignore them. It is a level of experience beyond good and bad, beyond pleasure and pain. It is a lovely way to perceive the world.
Happiness and peace. Those are really the prime issues in human existence. That is what all of us are seeking. This often is a bit hard to see because we cover up those basic goals with layers of surface objectives. We want food, we want money, we want sex, possessions and respect. We even say to ourselves that the idea of 'happiness' is too abstract: "Look, I am practical. Just give me enough money and I will buy all the happiness I need". Unfortunately, this is an attitude that does not work. Examine each of these goals and you will find they are superficial.
You want food. Why? Because I am hungry. So you are hungry, so what? Well if I eat, I won't be hungry and then I'll feel good. Ah ha! Feel good! Now there is a real item. What we really seek is not the surface goals. They are just means to an end. What we are really after is the feeling of relief that comes when the drive is satisfied. Relief, relaxation and an end to the tension. Peace, happiness, no more yearning.
So what is this happiness? For most of us, the perfect happiness would mean getting everything we wanted, being in control of everything, playing Caesar, making the whole world dance a jig according to our every whim. Once again, it does not work that way. Take a look at the people in history who have actually held this ultimate power, take King Solomon for instance. These were not happy people. Most assuredly they were not men at peace with themselves. Why? Because they were driven to control the world totally and absolutely and they could not. They wanted to control all men and there remained men who refused to be controlled. They could not control the stars. They still got sick. They still had to die.
You can't ever get everything you want. It is impossible. Luckily, there is another option. You can step outside of this endless cycle of desire and aversion. You can learn to not want what you want, to recognize desires but not be controlled by them. This does not mean that you lie down on the road and invite everybody to walk all over you. It means that you continue to live a very normal-looking life, but live from a whole new viewpoint. You do the things that a person must do, but you are free from that obsessive, compulsive drive of your own desires. You want something, but you don't need to chase after it. You fear something, but you don't need to stand there quaking in your boots. This sort of mental culture is very difficult. It takes years. But trying to control everything is impossible, and the difficult is preferable to the impossible.
Wait a minute, though. Peace and happiness! Isn't that what civilization is all about? We build skyscrapers and freeways. We have paid vacations, TV sets. We provide free hospitals and sick leaves, Social Security and welfare benefits. All of that is aimed at providing some measure of peace and happiness. Yet the rate of mental illness climbs steadily, and the crime rates rise faster. The streets are crawling with delinquents and unstable individuals. Stick your arms outside the safety of your own door and somebody is very likely to steal your watch! Something is not working. A happy man does not feel driven to kill. We like to think that our society is exploiting every area of human knowledge in order to achieve peace and happiness.
We are just beginning to realize that we have overdeveloped the material aspect of existence at the expense of the deeper emotional and spiritual aspect, and we are paying the price for that error. It is one thing to talk about degeneration of moral and spiritual fiber in America today, and another thing to do something about it. The place to start is within ourselves. Look carefully inside, truly and objectively, and each of us will see moments when "I am the punk" and "I am the crazy". We will learn to see those moments, see them clearly, cleanly and without condemnation, and we will be on our way up and out of being so.
You can't make radical changes in the pattern of your life until you begin to see yourself exactly as you are now. As soon as you do that, changes flow naturally. It is automatic. But arriving at the initial insight is quite a task. You've got to see who you are and how you are, without illusion, judgment or resistance of any kind.
You've got to see your own place in society and your function as a social being.
You've got to see your duties and obligations to your fellow human beings, and above all, your responsibility to yourself as an individual living with other individuals.
And you've got to see all of that clearly and as a unit, a single gestalt of interrelationship. It sounds complex, but it often occurs in a single instant. Mental culture through meditation is without rival in helping you achieve this sort of understanding and serene happiness.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is praiseworthy, think about such things"
- Philippians 4:8
"What you are now is the result of what you were. What you will be tomorrow will be the result of what you are now. The consequences of an evil mind will follow you like the cart follows the ox that pulls it. The consequences of a purified mind will follow you like your own shadow. No one can do more for you than your own purified mind - no parent, no relative, no friend, no one. A well-disciplined mind brings happiness"
- Dhammapada
Meditation is intended to purify the mind. It cleanses the thought process of what can be called mental and spiritual irritants, things like greed, hatred and jealousy, things that keep you snarled up in emotional bondage. It brings the mind to a state of tranquility and awareness, a state of concentration and insight.
In our society, we are great believers in education. We believe that knowledge makes a cultured person civilized. Civilization, however, polishes the person superficially. Subject our noble and sophisticated gentleman to stresses of war or economic collapse, and see what happens. It is one thing to obey the law because you know the penalties and fear the consequences. It is something else entirely to obey the law because you have cleansed yourself from the greed that would make you steal and the hatred that would make you kill. Throw a stone into a stream. The running water would smooth the surface, but the inner part remains unchanged. Take that same stone and place it in the intense fires of a forge, and the whole stone changes inside and outside. It all melts. Civilization changes man on the outside. Meditation softens him within, through and through.
Meditation is the cleansing crucible fire that works slowly through understanding. The greater your understanding, the more flexible and tolerant you can be. The greater your understanding, the more compassionate you can be. You become like a perfect parent or an ideal teacher. You are ready to forgive and forget. You feel love towards others because you understand them. And you understand others because you have understood yourself. You have looked deeply inside and seen self-delusion and your own human failings. You have seen your own humanity and learned to forgive and to love. When you have learned compassion for yourself, compassion for others is automatic. With meditation, one can achieve a profound understanding of life, and the person inevitably relates to the world with a deep and uncritical love.
Meditation is a lot like cultivating a new land. To make a field out of a forest, first you have to clear the trees and pull out the stumps. Then you till the soil and you fertilize it. Then you sow your seed and you harvest your crops. To cultivate your mind, first you have to clear out the various irritants that are in the way, pull them right out by the root so that they won't grow back. Then you fertilize. You pump energy and discipline into the mental soil. Then you sow the seed and you harvest your crops of faith, morality , mindfulness and wisdom.
The purpose of meditation is personal transformation. The you that goes in one side of the meditation experience is not the same you that comes out the other side. It changes your character by a process of sensitization, by making you deeply aware of your own thoughts, words, and deeds. Your arrogance evaporates and your antagonism dries up. Your mind becomes still and calm. And your life smooths out. Thus meditation properly performed prepares you to meet the ups and downs of existence. It reduces your tension, your fear, and your worry. Restlessness recedes and passion moderates. Things begin to fall into place and your life becomes a glide instead of a struggle. All of this happens through understanding.
Meditation sharpens your concentration and your thinking power. Then, piece by piece, your own subconscious motives and mechanics become clear to you. Your intuition sharpens. The precision of your thought increases and gradually you come to a direct knowledge of things as they really are, without prejudice and without illusion. So is this reason enough to bother? Scarcely. These are just promises on paper. There is only one way you will ever know if meditation is worth the effort. Learn to do it right, and do it. See for yourself.
There you are, and you suddenly realize that you are spending your whole life just barely getting by. You keep up a good front. You manage to make ends meet somehow and look OK from the outside. But those periods of desperation, those times when you feel everything caving in on you, you keep those to yourself. You are a mess. And you know it. But you hide it beautifully.
Meanwhile, way down under all that you just know there has got be some other way to live, some better way to look at the world, some way to touch life more fully. You click into it by chance now and then. You get a good job. You fall in love. You win the game. And for a while, things are different. Life takes on a richness and clarity that makes all the bad times and humdrum fade away. The whole texture of your experience changes and you say to yourself, "OK, now I've made it; now I will be happy". But then that fades, too, like smoke in the wind. You are left with just a memory. That and a vague awareness that something is wrong.
But there is really another whole realm of depth and sensitivity available in life, somehow, you are just not seeing it. You wind up feeling cut off. You feel insulated from the sweetness of experience by some sort of sensory cotton. You are not really touching life. You are not making it again. And then even that vague awareness fades away, and you are back to the same old reality. The world looks like the usual foul place, which is boring at best. It is an emotional roller coaster, and you spend a lot of your time down at the bottom of the ramp, yearning for the heights.
So what is wrong with you? Are you a freak? No. You are just human. And you suffer from the same malady that infects every human being. It is a monster in side all of us, and it has many arms: Chronic tension, lack of genuine compassion for others, including the people closest to you, feelings being blocked up, and emotional deadness. Many, many arms. None of us is entirely free from it. We may deny it. We try to suppress it. We build a whole culture around hiding from it, pretending it is not there, and distracting ourselves from it with goals and projects and status. But it never goes away. It is a constant undercurrent in every thought and every perception; a little wordless voice at the back of the head saying, "Not good enough yet. Got to have more. Got to make it better. Got to be better." It is a monster, a monster that manifests everywhere in subtle forms.
Go to a party. Listen to the laughter, that brittle-tongued voice that says fun on the surface and fear underneath. Feel the tension, feel the pressure. Nobody really relaxes. They are faking it. Go to a ball game. Watch the fan in the stand. Watch the irrational fit of anger. Watch the uncontrolled frustration bubbling forth from people that masquerades under the guise of enthusiasm, or team spirit. Booing, cat-calls and unbridled egotism in the name of team loyalty. Drunkenness, fights in the stands. These are the people trying desperately to release tension from within. These are not people who are at peace with themselves. Watch the news on TV. Listen to the lyrics in popular songs. You find the same theme repeated over and over in variations. Jealousy, suffering, discontent and stress.
Life seems to be a perpetual struggle, some enormous effort against staggering odds. And what is our solution to all this dissatisfaction? We get stuck in the "If only" syndrome. If only I had more money, then I would be happy. If only I could find somebody who really loves me, if only I could lose 20 pounds, if only I had a color TV, Jacuzzi, and curly hair, and on and on forever. So where does all this junk come from and more important, what can we do about it? It comes from the conditions of our own minds. It is a deep, subtle and pervasive set of mental habits, a Gordian knot which we have built up bit by bit and we can unravel just the same way, one piece at a time. We can tune up our awareness, dredge up each separate piece and bring it out into the light. We can make the unconscious conscious, slowly, one piece at a time.
The essence of our experience is change. Change is incessant. Moment by moment life flows by and it is never the same. A thought springs up in your head and half a second later, it is gone. In comes another one, and that is gone too. A sound strikes your ears and then silence. Open your eyes and the world pours in, blink and it is gone. People come into your life and they leave again. Friends go, relatives die. Your fortunes go up and they go down. Sometimes you win and just as often you lose. It is incessant: change, change, change. No two moments ever the same.
There is not a thing wrong with this. It is the nature of the universe, it is how God intended it to be. But human culture has taught us some odd responses to this endless flowing. We categorize experiences. We try to stick each perception, every mental change in this endless flow into one of three mental pigeon holes. It is good, or it is bad, or it is neutral. Then, according to which box we stick it in, we perceive with a set of fixed habitual mental responses. If a particular perception has been labeled 'good', then we try to freeze time right there. We grab onto that particular thought, we fondle it, we hold it, we try to keep it from escaping. When that does not work, we go all-out in an effort to repeat the experience which caused that thought. Let us call this mental habit 'grasping'.
Over on the other side of the mind lies the box labeled 'bad'. When we perceive something 'bad', we try to push it away. We try to deny it, reject it, get rid of it any way we can. We fight against our own experience. We run from pieces of ourselves. Let us call this mental habit 'rejecting'. Between these two reactions lies the neutral box. Here we place the experiences which are neither good nor bad. They are tepid, neutral, uninteresting and boring. We pack experience away in the neutral box so that we can ignore it and thus return our attention to where the action is, namely our endless round of desire and aversion. This category of experience gets robbed of its fair share of our attention. Let us call this mental habit 'ignoring'. The direct result of all this lunacy is a perpetual treadmill race to nowhere, endlessly pounding after pleasure, endlessly fleeing from pain, endlessly ignoring 90 percent of our experience. And yet we wonder why life tastes so flat? In the final analysis, it's a system that does not work.
No matter how hard you pursue pleasure and success, there are times when you fail.
No matter how fast you flee, there are times when pain catches up with you.
And in between those times, life is so boring you could scream. Our minds are full of opinions and criticisms. We have built walls all around ourselves and we are trapped within the prison of our own lies and dislikes. We suffer.
Sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it? Luckily it's not - not at all. It only sounds bleak when you view it from the level of the ordinary mental perspective, the very level at which the treadmill mechanism operates. Down under that level lies another whole perspective, a completely different way to look at the universe. It is a level of functioning where the mind does not try to freeze time, where we do not grasp onto our experience as it flows by, where we do not try to block things out and ignore them. It is a level of experience beyond good and bad, beyond pleasure and pain. It is a lovely way to perceive the world.
Happiness and peace. Those are really the prime issues in human existence. That is what all of us are seeking. This often is a bit hard to see because we cover up those basic goals with layers of surface objectives. We want food, we want money, we want sex, possessions and respect. We even say to ourselves that the idea of 'happiness' is too abstract: "Look, I am practical. Just give me enough money and I will buy all the happiness I need". Unfortunately, this is an attitude that does not work. Examine each of these goals and you will find they are superficial.
You want food. Why? Because I am hungry. So you are hungry, so what? Well if I eat, I won't be hungry and then I'll feel good. Ah ha! Feel good! Now there is a real item. What we really seek is not the surface goals. They are just means to an end. What we are really after is the feeling of relief that comes when the drive is satisfied. Relief, relaxation and an end to the tension. Peace, happiness, no more yearning.
So what is this happiness? For most of us, the perfect happiness would mean getting everything we wanted, being in control of everything, playing Caesar, making the whole world dance a jig according to our every whim. Once again, it does not work that way. Take a look at the people in history who have actually held this ultimate power, take King Solomon for instance. These were not happy people. Most assuredly they were not men at peace with themselves. Why? Because they were driven to control the world totally and absolutely and they could not. They wanted to control all men and there remained men who refused to be controlled. They could not control the stars. They still got sick. They still had to die.
You can't ever get everything you want. It is impossible. Luckily, there is another option. You can step outside of this endless cycle of desire and aversion. You can learn to not want what you want, to recognize desires but not be controlled by them. This does not mean that you lie down on the road and invite everybody to walk all over you. It means that you continue to live a very normal-looking life, but live from a whole new viewpoint. You do the things that a person must do, but you are free from that obsessive, compulsive drive of your own desires. You want something, but you don't need to chase after it. You fear something, but you don't need to stand there quaking in your boots. This sort of mental culture is very difficult. It takes years. But trying to control everything is impossible, and the difficult is preferable to the impossible.
Wait a minute, though. Peace and happiness! Isn't that what civilization is all about? We build skyscrapers and freeways. We have paid vacations, TV sets. We provide free hospitals and sick leaves, Social Security and welfare benefits. All of that is aimed at providing some measure of peace and happiness. Yet the rate of mental illness climbs steadily, and the crime rates rise faster. The streets are crawling with delinquents and unstable individuals. Stick your arms outside the safety of your own door and somebody is very likely to steal your watch! Something is not working. A happy man does not feel driven to kill. We like to think that our society is exploiting every area of human knowledge in order to achieve peace and happiness.
We are just beginning to realize that we have overdeveloped the material aspect of existence at the expense of the deeper emotional and spiritual aspect, and we are paying the price for that error. It is one thing to talk about degeneration of moral and spiritual fiber in America today, and another thing to do something about it. The place to start is within ourselves. Look carefully inside, truly and objectively, and each of us will see moments when "I am the punk" and "I am the crazy". We will learn to see those moments, see them clearly, cleanly and without condemnation, and we will be on our way up and out of being so.
You can't make radical changes in the pattern of your life until you begin to see yourself exactly as you are now. As soon as you do that, changes flow naturally. It is automatic. But arriving at the initial insight is quite a task. You've got to see who you are and how you are, without illusion, judgment or resistance of any kind.
You've got to see your own place in society and your function as a social being.
You've got to see your duties and obligations to your fellow human beings, and above all, your responsibility to yourself as an individual living with other individuals.
And you've got to see all of that clearly and as a unit, a single gestalt of interrelationship. It sounds complex, but it often occurs in a single instant. Mental culture through meditation is without rival in helping you achieve this sort of understanding and serene happiness.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is praiseworthy, think about such things"
- Philippians 4:8
"What you are now is the result of what you were. What you will be tomorrow will be the result of what you are now. The consequences of an evil mind will follow you like the cart follows the ox that pulls it. The consequences of a purified mind will follow you like your own shadow. No one can do more for you than your own purified mind - no parent, no relative, no friend, no one. A well-disciplined mind brings happiness"
- Dhammapada
Meditation is intended to purify the mind. It cleanses the thought process of what can be called mental and spiritual irritants, things like greed, hatred and jealousy, things that keep you snarled up in emotional bondage. It brings the mind to a state of tranquility and awareness, a state of concentration and insight.
In our society, we are great believers in education. We believe that knowledge makes a cultured person civilized. Civilization, however, polishes the person superficially. Subject our noble and sophisticated gentleman to stresses of war or economic collapse, and see what happens. It is one thing to obey the law because you know the penalties and fear the consequences. It is something else entirely to obey the law because you have cleansed yourself from the greed that would make you steal and the hatred that would make you kill. Throw a stone into a stream. The running water would smooth the surface, but the inner part remains unchanged. Take that same stone and place it in the intense fires of a forge, and the whole stone changes inside and outside. It all melts. Civilization changes man on the outside. Meditation softens him within, through and through.
Meditation is the cleansing crucible fire that works slowly through understanding. The greater your understanding, the more flexible and tolerant you can be. The greater your understanding, the more compassionate you can be. You become like a perfect parent or an ideal teacher. You are ready to forgive and forget. You feel love towards others because you understand them. And you understand others because you have understood yourself. You have looked deeply inside and seen self-delusion and your own human failings. You have seen your own humanity and learned to forgive and to love. When you have learned compassion for yourself, compassion for others is automatic. With meditation, one can achieve a profound understanding of life, and the person inevitably relates to the world with a deep and uncritical love.
Meditation is a lot like cultivating a new land. To make a field out of a forest, first you have to clear the trees and pull out the stumps. Then you till the soil and you fertilize it. Then you sow your seed and you harvest your crops. To cultivate your mind, first you have to clear out the various irritants that are in the way, pull them right out by the root so that they won't grow back. Then you fertilize. You pump energy and discipline into the mental soil. Then you sow the seed and you harvest your crops of faith, morality , mindfulness and wisdom.
The purpose of meditation is personal transformation. The you that goes in one side of the meditation experience is not the same you that comes out the other side. It changes your character by a process of sensitization, by making you deeply aware of your own thoughts, words, and deeds. Your arrogance evaporates and your antagonism dries up. Your mind becomes still and calm. And your life smooths out. Thus meditation properly performed prepares you to meet the ups and downs of existence. It reduces your tension, your fear, and your worry. Restlessness recedes and passion moderates. Things begin to fall into place and your life becomes a glide instead of a struggle. All of this happens through understanding.
Meditation sharpens your concentration and your thinking power. Then, piece by piece, your own subconscious motives and mechanics become clear to you. Your intuition sharpens. The precision of your thought increases and gradually you come to a direct knowledge of things as they really are, without prejudice and without illusion. So is this reason enough to bother? Scarcely. These are just promises on paper. There is only one way you will ever know if meditation is worth the effort. Learn to do it right, and do it. See for yourself.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Delightful 2.2.
This was not a birthday where I had expected anything. In fact, I wasn't even thinking about it at all. Decided to spend the evening catching up with Brandon, a good friend of mine, whom I have not been keeping in touch with for a while.
But who knew? That little mischievous devil had been planning a surprise for me all along!
So:
To Brandon, Gloria and Simonia - thank you so much for planning this out for me. I know how much time and effort you guys have put into this, and I am truly touched. You guys complete my life la. Thank you.
To NJ - hehehe, Milo! Dah lama tak minum dah! Syok betul - thanks gurl!
To Eileen - folder was a great gift! Can use it for my interviews now! =)
To the people who came - oh my gosh, thank you so much for going out of your way to come! Especially with papers, midterms, etc. Even though I didn't really get to talk to each of you personally, please accept this very personal thank you. You guys roxxors.
To Sam - you are a fantabulously awesome sister! Not only did you give me an awesome present. You made me 7 different cards! I'm so blessed to have you as my sis. =)
THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS A WONDERFUL DAY.
On a heavier note. Today was also a day where I realize that people drift apart so easily. One day, you may be the best of friends, and the next, before you know it, you barely speak to each other anymore. Same goes for people who were in love. It happens. Sad no? But how true. 感情不是一成不变的。On one hand, it's quite sad that people change and move on. On the other, it's only through this that we meet new people and learn new stuff right? That is life.
And so, I want to let you know this: you have played an important role in my life and I want you to remember this no matter what happens between us. To those of you whom I have drifted apart from, I will always cherish the experiences that we had together. To those of you who have not, it is always in the back of my mind that good things must come to an end. Because of that, every moment I spend with you is one of appreciation and joy.
Thank you so much for making me who I am. Truly, every one of you is dear to my heart. God bless you.
But who knew? That little mischievous devil had been planning a surprise for me all along!
So:
To Brandon, Gloria and Simonia - thank you so much for planning this out for me. I know how much time and effort you guys have put into this, and I am truly touched. You guys complete my life la. Thank you.
To NJ - hehehe, Milo! Dah lama tak minum dah! Syok betul - thanks gurl!
To Eileen - folder was a great gift! Can use it for my interviews now! =)
To the people who came - oh my gosh, thank you so much for going out of your way to come! Especially with papers, midterms, etc. Even though I didn't really get to talk to each of you personally, please accept this very personal thank you. You guys roxxors.
To Sam - you are a fantabulously awesome sister! Not only did you give me an awesome present. You made me 7 different cards! I'm so blessed to have you as my sis. =)
THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS A WONDERFUL DAY.
On a heavier note. Today was also a day where I realize that people drift apart so easily. One day, you may be the best of friends, and the next, before you know it, you barely speak to each other anymore. Same goes for people who were in love. It happens. Sad no? But how true. 感情不是一成不变的。On one hand, it's quite sad that people change and move on. On the other, it's only through this that we meet new people and learn new stuff right? That is life.
And so, I want to let you know this: you have played an important role in my life and I want you to remember this no matter what happens between us. To those of you whom I have drifted apart from, I will always cherish the experiences that we had together. To those of you who have not, it is always in the back of my mind that good things must come to an end. Because of that, every moment I spend with you is one of appreciation and joy.
Thank you so much for making me who I am. Truly, every one of you is dear to my heart. God bless you.
Mortal and Immortal
How sweetly bloom the cherry tree
Beneath the April sky!
But soon, too soon, their brightness wanes.
For they must fade and die;
And all their petals bright
Soon on the ground we find,
For while the world doth sleep
There comes the midnight wind.
So is the heart that seeks for peace
Within this world of strife,
For many are man’s woes below
In this, our mortal life,
And when all seems delight,
And hours of bliss we find,
Through our frail trees of life
There blows the midnight wind.
Tis true that mortal life is sad
And quickly passes by;
But still abides that ancient gleam
Of Truth that cannot die;
For when self’s flower is dead,
Its petals blown away,
We’ll see the glorious light
Of Truth’s eternal day.
Beneath the April sky!
But soon, too soon, their brightness wanes.
For they must fade and die;
And all their petals bright
Soon on the ground we find,
For while the world doth sleep
There comes the midnight wind.
So is the heart that seeks for peace
Within this world of strife,
For many are man’s woes below
In this, our mortal life,
And when all seems delight,
And hours of bliss we find,
Through our frail trees of life
There blows the midnight wind.
Tis true that mortal life is sad
And quickly passes by;
But still abides that ancient gleam
Of Truth that cannot die;
For when self’s flower is dead,
Its petals blown away,
We’ll see the glorious light
Of Truth’s eternal day.
Empty
empty...
i woke up this morning...
empty...
and this was all i felt...
empty...
sometimes i seem so sure but today, i feel...
torn...
so many conflicts...
so many questions...
i feel so distant...
from the ones i love...
the ones i care...
even if i'm talking to them physically...
i can no longer connect...
empty...
why...?
i woke up this morning...
empty...
and this was all i felt...
empty...
sometimes i seem so sure but today, i feel...
torn...
so many conflicts...
so many questions...
i feel so distant...
from the ones i love...
the ones i care...
even if i'm talking to them physically...
i can no longer connect...
empty...
why...?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Journey
It's great to know that an old friend, Darren Ong, too, has grown and will continue to grow in the journey called life. Read:
"I have been selfish. I've always tended to devalue people, and I have devalued you, I have devalued your friendship, been satisfied with showing you a bad parody of my true self. Please forgive me.
I want here to offer you a glimpse of the real me, one that I have been hiding all the time I've known you. Please read this- this message turned out a lot longer than I intended it to be, but please take your time. I believe that it will be worth it.
Please indulge me here first, to share what I believe:
I believe in a God, so great as to inspire terror. I believe that He is King, that His authority extends unchallenged all over this wild, crazy, wonderful swirl of matter and mystery that we call the universe. I believe that He has power beyond all bounds, wisdom beyond all comprehension. I believe that men have been struck dead simply by being in His presence, that due to our imperfection no man is worthy of even a glimpse of His majesty.
I believe in a God, so near as to inspire hope. I believe that He loves us relentlessly, and that he longs for the day when we can return to Him once more. He knows the complete measure of our defilement, the full depth of our squalor, the full extent of our misery. He, in His perfection, in His holiness finds all of this deeply abhorrent. Yet He still loves, and He extends us an offer: a way out of the hopelessness of this world and of this age and of our selves. He yearns, desperately that we take it- so that we may be pure, and that he would be able to dwell around us and in us, that we may again be in perfect unity with Him, just as we were created to be.
I believe that the Son of God walked this earth in flesh, two thousand years ago. I believe that he slept and ate, that he shared in our human hopes and dreams and wants and fears. That he restored the sight of the blind, cast out evil spirits from the possessed, and lived a life in complete, utter obedience the Father. I believe that He had the same essence as God, and yet chose willingly to give up the glories and splendor of heaven to die the most ignoble of deaths, nailed to an executioner's cross. I believe that he, though completely perfect, took on our imperfections that day so that we now can restore that broken bond between God and ourselves should we so choose. I believe that he literally rose from the dead, so as to show us all that we can one day escape the cold alienation of the grave, and return home to a Father who loves us passionately.
Jesus proclaimed that he was the way and the truth and the life, that no one could approach the Father except through Him. To receive this offer, all that we need to do is to seek God with the intensity for which he seeks us: that we give up being the master of our destiny, that we no longer delude ourselves into thinking that we can find true joy on our own, that we give up pursuing worldly acclamation, glory, riches, above Him. To accept this offer is to reciprocate God's love for us, so that we commit to learning more about God the Person, the full extent of His power, the full force of His personality, the full measure of his love, so that we might assume our rightful roles as supplicant, worshiper, child, and friend.
I took up that offer nine years ago. I have since been compelled to give up some parts of me that I cherish most. I had to stop taking so much pride in my mathematical ability, I had to give that up as part of my identity. I had to stop chasing a life of comfort and security, and instead tell God that His will be done, knowing full well that his will could very well mean pain and suffering for me. I had to give up one day a week in dedication to him, even though I dearly want that time for myself to get my homework done, or to veg out playing video games. I had to (these are things that are particular to me, probably not to your or anyone else) give up both meat and women, and so now I will likely die scrawny and celibate.
I thank and praise God every day that he has called me to give up all these things. Let me say here that taking pleasure in mathematics is inherently good, and something that has brought me great joy. Comfort and security are both good things, and growing up wealthy has brought me great peace. Working hard on Sundays is worthwhile and pleasant, and my weekends have always been very productive. Meat is mind-blowingly awesome, and I've grown up in a culture that does more than just stick a slab of dead animal on a grill. If you haven't tried Malaysian rendang, you don't know how God intended beef to taste like. I'm not much of an authority on sex, but all my friends who've tried describe it as nothing less than transcendent, a blissful melding of two selves into one complete whole. I am aware that the more mundane aspects of couplehood bring great joy too, that intimacy, that closeness, that sense of belonging that both partners feel. I am saddened somewhat that I likely never feel that first hand.
And yet I rejoice greatly that I gave those up, not because I feel pleasure from these things any less intensely. Rather, I have found a joy far greater than ALL these, so that math, money, comfort, food, romance are but pale and sickly shadows of this greater joy. The more I've given up of these lesser pleasures, the more I've been able to seek after God, the more he has been able to dwell inside of me, work in me, change me, make me a better supplicant, worshiper, child and friend. Joy abounds more and more in my life, each day more blissful than the last. Heaven is breaking in onto earth all around me, as God, master of all creation manifests Himself IN ME. If that last sentence offends you, it damn well should: this is a gift for which I am in no way worthy. I am sickly, selfish, cowardly, vile- much in the same way you are. Yet God decided that he wants to dwell with me, to make me His temple, that we may be together in all eternity. He wants to be with you too.
I urge you now, friend to stop chasing after all the lesser pleasures that this world offers, and to pursue this joy that is far greater. Don't bother about church attendance. Don't bother with vain and pathetic attempts to "live a good/moral life". These will be important, but for now they are but tangents to the Real Thing. Look to the Gospels, look to Jesus, give up the insignificant scummy nothingness that is your life before Christ, accept that his death has brought you redemption and access to God, and in so doing dedicate your life into seeking Him relentlessly, regardless of what you have to give up to get there. This was my pledge nine years ago, this is my pledge today. Let me tell you now that it had been worth it, every last bit.
Feel free to send me a message, however you want to respond.
Be blessed."
Amen Brother, Amen.
"I have been selfish. I've always tended to devalue people, and I have devalued you, I have devalued your friendship, been satisfied with showing you a bad parody of my true self. Please forgive me.
I want here to offer you a glimpse of the real me, one that I have been hiding all the time I've known you. Please read this- this message turned out a lot longer than I intended it to be, but please take your time. I believe that it will be worth it.
Please indulge me here first, to share what I believe:
I believe in a God, so great as to inspire terror. I believe that He is King, that His authority extends unchallenged all over this wild, crazy, wonderful swirl of matter and mystery that we call the universe. I believe that He has power beyond all bounds, wisdom beyond all comprehension. I believe that men have been struck dead simply by being in His presence, that due to our imperfection no man is worthy of even a glimpse of His majesty.
I believe in a God, so near as to inspire hope. I believe that He loves us relentlessly, and that he longs for the day when we can return to Him once more. He knows the complete measure of our defilement, the full depth of our squalor, the full extent of our misery. He, in His perfection, in His holiness finds all of this deeply abhorrent. Yet He still loves, and He extends us an offer: a way out of the hopelessness of this world and of this age and of our selves. He yearns, desperately that we take it- so that we may be pure, and that he would be able to dwell around us and in us, that we may again be in perfect unity with Him, just as we were created to be.
I believe that the Son of God walked this earth in flesh, two thousand years ago. I believe that he slept and ate, that he shared in our human hopes and dreams and wants and fears. That he restored the sight of the blind, cast out evil spirits from the possessed, and lived a life in complete, utter obedience the Father. I believe that He had the same essence as God, and yet chose willingly to give up the glories and splendor of heaven to die the most ignoble of deaths, nailed to an executioner's cross. I believe that he, though completely perfect, took on our imperfections that day so that we now can restore that broken bond between God and ourselves should we so choose. I believe that he literally rose from the dead, so as to show us all that we can one day escape the cold alienation of the grave, and return home to a Father who loves us passionately.
Jesus proclaimed that he was the way and the truth and the life, that no one could approach the Father except through Him. To receive this offer, all that we need to do is to seek God with the intensity for which he seeks us: that we give up being the master of our destiny, that we no longer delude ourselves into thinking that we can find true joy on our own, that we give up pursuing worldly acclamation, glory, riches, above Him. To accept this offer is to reciprocate God's love for us, so that we commit to learning more about God the Person, the full extent of His power, the full force of His personality, the full measure of his love, so that we might assume our rightful roles as supplicant, worshiper, child, and friend.
I took up that offer nine years ago. I have since been compelled to give up some parts of me that I cherish most. I had to stop taking so much pride in my mathematical ability, I had to give that up as part of my identity. I had to stop chasing a life of comfort and security, and instead tell God that His will be done, knowing full well that his will could very well mean pain and suffering for me. I had to give up one day a week in dedication to him, even though I dearly want that time for myself to get my homework done, or to veg out playing video games. I had to (these are things that are particular to me, probably not to your or anyone else) give up both meat and women, and so now I will likely die scrawny and celibate.
I thank and praise God every day that he has called me to give up all these things. Let me say here that taking pleasure in mathematics is inherently good, and something that has brought me great joy. Comfort and security are both good things, and growing up wealthy has brought me great peace. Working hard on Sundays is worthwhile and pleasant, and my weekends have always been very productive. Meat is mind-blowingly awesome, and I've grown up in a culture that does more than just stick a slab of dead animal on a grill. If you haven't tried Malaysian rendang, you don't know how God intended beef to taste like. I'm not much of an authority on sex, but all my friends who've tried describe it as nothing less than transcendent, a blissful melding of two selves into one complete whole. I am aware that the more mundane aspects of couplehood bring great joy too, that intimacy, that closeness, that sense of belonging that both partners feel. I am saddened somewhat that I likely never feel that first hand.
And yet I rejoice greatly that I gave those up, not because I feel pleasure from these things any less intensely. Rather, I have found a joy far greater than ALL these, so that math, money, comfort, food, romance are but pale and sickly shadows of this greater joy. The more I've given up of these lesser pleasures, the more I've been able to seek after God, the more he has been able to dwell inside of me, work in me, change me, make me a better supplicant, worshiper, child and friend. Joy abounds more and more in my life, each day more blissful than the last. Heaven is breaking in onto earth all around me, as God, master of all creation manifests Himself IN ME. If that last sentence offends you, it damn well should: this is a gift for which I am in no way worthy. I am sickly, selfish, cowardly, vile- much in the same way you are. Yet God decided that he wants to dwell with me, to make me His temple, that we may be together in all eternity. He wants to be with you too.
I urge you now, friend to stop chasing after all the lesser pleasures that this world offers, and to pursue this joy that is far greater. Don't bother about church attendance. Don't bother with vain and pathetic attempts to "live a good/moral life". These will be important, but for now they are but tangents to the Real Thing. Look to the Gospels, look to Jesus, give up the insignificant scummy nothingness that is your life before Christ, accept that his death has brought you redemption and access to God, and in so doing dedicate your life into seeking Him relentlessly, regardless of what you have to give up to get there. This was my pledge nine years ago, this is my pledge today. Let me tell you now that it had been worth it, every last bit.
Feel free to send me a message, however you want to respond.
Be blessed."
Amen Brother, Amen.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Getaran Jiwa
Getaran jiwa,
Melanda hatiku.
Tersusun nada,
Irama dan lagu.
Walau hanya sederhana,
Tetapi tak mengapa.
Moga dapat membangkitkan,
Sedarlah kamu wahai insan.
Tak mungkin hilang,
Irama dan lagu.
Bagaikan kembang,
Sentiasa bermadu.
Andai dipisah,
Lagu dan irama,
Lemah tiada berjiwa
Hampa...
Melanda hatiku.
Tersusun nada,
Irama dan lagu.
Walau hanya sederhana,
Tetapi tak mengapa.
Moga dapat membangkitkan,
Sedarlah kamu wahai insan.
Tak mungkin hilang,
Irama dan lagu.
Bagaikan kembang,
Sentiasa bermadu.
Andai dipisah,
Lagu dan irama,
Lemah tiada berjiwa
Hampa...
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