The Journey

It's great to know that an old friend, Darren Ong, too, has grown and will continue to grow in the journey called life. Read:

"I have been selfish. I've always tended to devalue people, and I have devalued you, I have devalued your friendship, been satisfied with showing you a bad parody of my true self. Please forgive me.

I want here to offer you a glimpse of the real me, one that I have been hiding all the time I've known you. Please read this- this message turned out a lot longer than I intended it to be, but please take your time. I believe that it will be worth it.

Please indulge me here first, to share what I believe:

I believe in a God, so great as to inspire terror. I believe that He is King, that His authority extends unchallenged all over this wild, crazy, wonderful swirl of matter and mystery that we call the universe. I believe that He has power beyond all bounds, wisdom beyond all comprehension. I believe that men have been struck dead simply by being in His presence, that due to our imperfection no man is worthy of even a glimpse of His majesty.

I believe in a God, so near as to inspire hope. I believe that He loves us relentlessly, and that he longs for the day when we can return to Him once more. He knows the complete measure of our defilement, the full depth of our squalor, the full extent of our misery. He, in His perfection, in His holiness finds all of this deeply abhorrent. Yet He still loves, and He extends us an offer: a way out of the hopelessness of this world and of this age and of our selves. He yearns, desperately that we take it- so that we may be pure, and that he would be able to dwell around us and in us, that we may again be in perfect unity with Him, just as we were created to be.

I believe that the Son of God walked this earth in flesh, two thousand years ago. I believe that he slept and ate, that he shared in our human hopes and dreams and wants and fears. That he restored the sight of the blind, cast out evil spirits from the possessed, and lived a life in complete, utter obedience the Father. I believe that He had the same essence as God, and yet chose willingly to give up the glories and splendor of heaven to die the most ignoble of deaths, nailed to an executioner's cross. I believe that he, though completely perfect, took on our imperfections that day so that we now can restore that broken bond between God and ourselves should we so choose. I believe that he literally rose from the dead, so as to show us all that we can one day escape the cold alienation of the grave, and return home to a Father who loves us passionately.

Jesus proclaimed that he was the way and the truth and the life, that no one could approach the Father except through Him. To receive this offer, all that we need to do is to seek God with the intensity for which he seeks us: that we give up being the master of our destiny, that we no longer delude ourselves into thinking that we can find true joy on our own, that we give up pursuing worldly acclamation, glory, riches, above Him. To accept this offer is to reciprocate God's love for us, so that we commit to learning more about God the Person, the full extent of His power, the full force of His personality, the full measure of his love, so that we might assume our rightful roles as supplicant, worshiper, child, and friend.

I took up that offer nine years ago. I have since been compelled to give up some parts of me that I cherish most. I had to stop taking so much pride in my mathematical ability, I had to give that up as part of my identity. I had to stop chasing a life of comfort and security, and instead tell God that His will be done, knowing full well that his will could very well mean pain and suffering for me. I had to give up one day a week in dedication to him, even though I dearly want that time for myself to get my homework done, or to veg out playing video games. I had to (these are things that are particular to me, probably not to your or anyone else) give up both meat and women, and so now I will likely die scrawny and celibate.

I thank and praise God every day that he has called me to give up all these things. Let me say here that taking pleasure in mathematics is inherently good, and something that has brought me great joy. Comfort and security are both good things, and growing up wealthy has brought me great peace. Working hard on Sundays is worthwhile and pleasant, and my weekends have always been very productive. Meat is mind-blowingly awesome, and I've grown up in a culture that does more than just stick a slab of dead animal on a grill. If you haven't tried Malaysian rendang, you don't know how God intended beef to taste like. I'm not much of an authority on sex, but all my friends who've tried describe it as nothing less than transcendent, a blissful melding of two selves into one complete whole. I am aware that the more mundane aspects of couplehood bring great joy too, that intimacy, that closeness, that sense of belonging that both partners feel. I am saddened somewhat that I likely never feel that first hand.

And yet I rejoice greatly that I gave those up, not because I feel pleasure from these things any less intensely. Rather, I have found a joy far greater than ALL these, so that math, money, comfort, food, romance are but pale and sickly shadows of this greater joy. The more I've given up of these lesser pleasures, the more I've been able to seek after God, the more he has been able to dwell inside of me, work in me, change me, make me a better supplicant, worshiper, child and friend. Joy abounds more and more in my life, each day more blissful than the last. Heaven is breaking in onto earth all around me, as God, master of all creation manifests Himself IN ME. If that last sentence offends you, it damn well should: this is a gift for which I am in no way worthy. I am sickly, selfish, cowardly, vile- much in the same way you are. Yet God decided that he wants to dwell with me, to make me His temple, that we may be together in all eternity. He wants to be with you too.

I urge you now, friend to stop chasing after all the lesser pleasures that this world offers, and to pursue this joy that is far greater. Don't bother about church attendance. Don't bother with vain and pathetic attempts to "live a good/moral life". These will be important, but for now they are but tangents to the Real Thing. Look to the Gospels, look to Jesus, give up the insignificant scummy nothingness that is your life before Christ, accept that his death has brought you redemption and access to God, and in so doing dedicate your life into seeking Him relentlessly, regardless of what you have to give up to get there. This was my pledge nine years ago, this is my pledge today. Let me tell you now that it had been worth it, every last bit.

Feel free to send me a message, however you want to respond.

Be blessed."

Amen Brother, Amen.